


Cpl. Maxwell Q. Klinger, Professional Fairy Godparent

by morkfrompork



Category: Cinderella (1950), MASH (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Crack, Cinderella AU, Crack, Crack Treated Seriously, Fairy Godmother Klinger, or is a MASH AU?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-02
Updated: 2021-03-02
Packaged: 2021-03-15 09:35:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,100
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29806446
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/morkfrompork/pseuds/morkfrompork
Summary: Cinderella AU where Klinger plays the Fairy Godmother
Kudos: 2





	Cpl. Maxwell Q. Klinger, Professional Fairy Godparent

**Author's Note:**

> I'm so sorry this exists. But also not because it was really fun to write. Based off https://radarbabieoreilly.tumblr.com/post/644566732339593216/fairy-godmother-klinger

Klinger was hard at work when the bell rang through his little workshop. The time had come, but he wasn’t ready. Finishing touches still had to be put on the shoes and he was SURE he had left a pin or two somewhere in the petticoat, but maybe they could be overlooked. She’d just have to be careful dancing. It was a ball, but no one danced at balls anymore. Kids these days thought they were too good for dancing. 

A quick search for the missing pins revealed nothing. Maybe he’d been imagining things. He’d never been all too organized. Not like Radar was. Radar could get anything at any time and always knew where what he wanted was. He was the kind of Fairy Godparent any kid would be proud to have. Klinger… well, he wasn’t good at all the same stuff Radar was, organization and being on time and whatnot, but what Klinger couldn’t find, he could make. He’d hoped to get the dress done in time for the bell, but it looked like it was going to be a bit on the under finished side. He hoped the kid wouldn’t be too upset. 

With a cigar in one hand and his wand in the other, Klinger brought himself to the small bench where the kid was crying. 

“There’s nothing left to believe in. Nothing!” She whimpered, face buried into the crook of her arm. 

“Nothing? C’mon, kid, things ain’t so bad. You don’t really believe that,” Klinger murmured, stroking her hair gently. He took a moment to look over what she was wearing. ‘Rags’ was putting it gently. Whatever it had been was probably lovely, but he was certain those bitchy stepsisters had done something to it. 

“Oh, but I do!” Maybe if he hadn’t been so late reacting to the bell, things would have been better, but all he could do now was boost her spirits as best he could.

“Not a chance. If you didn’t believe in anything, the bell wouldn’t have rung. But it did, and I’m here. Now dry up those waterworks; we gotta get you ready for the ball.” He stood up and lit his cigar. 

“The ball? Oh, but I’m not-”

“Don’t say that. I’ve been working on this dress for way too long for you to back out now,” Klinger grumbled, lifting her to her feet. “But we gotta hurry. This kinda stuff takes time.”

“This kind of stuff? What do you mean?”

Klinger was only half-listening, rustling through his pocketbook for his wand. “This stuff! This, uh… miracles! That’s what you might call ‘em. Damn magic wand, it’s never here…”

“Magic wand? You must be…”

“Corporal Maxwell Klinger of the Magic Army, at your service. Assigned godparent of one Cinderella,” he smiled, taking out his cigar to bow respectfully. As he did, his wand slid out of one of the many trillions of secret dimensions inside his pocketbook. “Oh there’s the little devil!”  
The kid was way less nervous than he expected her to be. More curious than anything. Good. It would get the job done quicker.

“Alright, first on the agenda, we need to get you some ‘class A’ transportation…” he murmured, looking around the lavish yard and tapping the wand against his chin. Just something that could be traded through the realms for the carriage he’d picked out. It was a real pretty thing; matched the dress he’d been working on. A beam from the rising moon drew his eye across the garden to a plump pumpkin. Perfect. Sparky needed a pumpkin for a few hours and Klinger wasn’t about to ask him why. 

“How about that pumpkin? Think anyone would miss it for a bit?” He pointed. Cinderella followed his line, but seemed nothing less than completely confused.

“A pumpkin?”

“That’s the ticket. Just gotta get the magic words going.” 

A lot of the humans seemed to think they were silly nonsense words, but that was their opinion. Human radio sounded silly to the fairies. To his credit, Sparky came through. The pumpkin jumped and rolled around a little before making its way through the realms and the shimmering carriage took its place in space-time. 

“Oh, it’s beautiful!” Cinderella gasped.

“Try not to spill anything in it, I just got the seats dry-cleaned.” 

The fixings came next. The dog was traded for a footman, some mice for horses and the horse for… a coachman. Radar was going to have a field day taking care of the mini zoo that had just entered his office. There was just one thing left…

“Hop in, kid. This magic ain’t gonna last forever. You gotta get yourself to that ball!”

“But-uh...”

“Don’t gotta thank me, I’m just doing my job.” Boy, this kid was a pushover. No wonder she didn’t fight back against that family of hers.

“I wasn’t- I mean, thank you, but don’t you think my dress is…”

Shit, the dress! It was still waiting in his workshop and lacking matching shoes. 

“Can’t believe I almost forgot! Only been working on that thing for a year. No shoes, though… I’ll improvise,” he decided, waving his magic wand one final time. The two dresses traded places between realms, with the rags going to sit in his closet and the shimmering gown forming around her. The shoes were another story. Wasn’t many materials to choose from sitting around, and since he was making them from scratch, they’d stick around even once the rest of his trading had gone back to rightful owners. All that was really reasonable to work with were the glass panes in the windows of the chateaux. Sparkling clean from all the washing they got. The panes were a little small, but thankfully, the kid had some of the tiniest feet he’d ever seen. The hairstyle he’d been working on pined itself into place around her head and accessories made their way onto the outfit as well.

Klinger could have cried looking over his masterpiece, short-lived as it would be.

“Kid, you look like a dream!”

“It feels like a dream. A wonderful dream come true!” And now for the bad news.

“But like all dreams, it’s gotta end sometime. All this stuff is on loan until midnight. As soon as it hits, it all gets traded back. Except the slippers; you can keep those,” he winked. “Now get your tuchus in that coach and get yourself to that ball.”

He waved to her as she drove away into the evening. One more godchild satisfied. The rest of the luck of the evening was up to her.


End file.
